dear god part 2

 dear god,

why am i always chasing after

external validation?

i have never known 

what it feels like to validate myself

through my actions?

the only time i trust myself

is when i'm cooking in the kitchen.

even when i don't know the recipe,

i know i will whip something up,

figure it out.

when will i ever get that confidence in life?

i have a savior complex.

i have a constant need to be a savior.

makes me feel important/ wanted/ needed?

i should be focusing inward,

on saving myself.

i feel so empty inside.

like i'm starving for love.

and i don't know where to find it.

i'm so fucked up emotionally,

that i don't even realise

what is good and what is not.

dear god,

give me strength.

give me clarity.

give me love.