'bad'

 apparently i am a bad sister

that is the 'tag' that was bestowed upon me.

over the years

i have been told that i was a bad older sister

maybe because of

the fact that i was an absent sister

preoccupied with books and reading

and creating an imaginary world of my own.

that however

doesn't equate to the love and protectiveness i felt

over the little ones 

all of them.

seeing my absenteeism over a period of years

where i was really struggling

with issues 

i can make no one privy to

has made me

a bad sister

today.

god knows

what i can do to make it up

maybe nothing

maybe you want an apology?

but anyway

i will continue living with the tag

that was given to me

not by one

but two of my little sisters.