The Neighborhood Boo Radley

 You must be familiar with Boo Radley if you've read 'To Kill A Mockingbird'. He is the sad, slightly mad character who never leaves his house but apparently terrorizes women and children at night time. He is the neighborhood mad guy.

 In all my years that I've read this book (which happens to be one of my favorites), I never thought I'd end up as the neighborhood Boo Radley. But here I am at 28, the neighborhood's 'girl who went mad'. My schizophrenia diagnosis at 20 was just the beginning of my ill-fated journey with mental illness that has spanned a decade of confusion, upheaval and disorientation. When I finally feel like I've found my footing, I'm always back in square one. 

And it is laughable--my disease. I am scared (drumroll please) of people's opinions about me. I am so worried about what people think that I'm too afraid to speak my mind or do as I would like to. If it was limited at that, you wouldn't call it a disease. Whereas I feel so debilitated by people's opinions that I cannot function as a normal person, forever scared of what people think about me.

I have been to so many counsellors, have talked to so many people about this, but I cannot seem to change my thought process. So any time I enter a new situation or scenario in life, I wait with batted breath to be assaulted by triggers. I cannot move forward, and it is pulling me behind in life.

So, what is the solution? I don't know. And honestly, I don't want to know. I just want to live my life in peace and do things that I love to do.