a rainbow baby

i am a rainbow baby

head in the clouds

gay as sunshine and melancholy as rainy mornings

warm like a mama's hug

and soft, mellow meadow.

i wish i could say

i am a grown up

aware of grown up things

hardened by life

living in the extreme

but i am not.

i feel like a child trapped in a woman's body

forever bamboozled by the reactions it elicits

when i bare a little skin

heave a heavy sigh.

i am a rainbow baby

feasting on unicorn glitter

love my summers, long heady winters and hopeful springs.

is it weird that

i can say i'm queer

but only half mean it

because

confusion reigns supreme

as i have loved men

and i have loved women

but i can't decide whose company i like more.

so i keep my head down

look at the reflections of souls

shadows in the lane

forever afraid to gaze into another's soul.

i am a rainbow baby

let me stay in the clouds

for now

i will grow up

in my own time.