sad

 There is a grief deep within me that I cannot explain,

A grief so sudden that comes and goes

at its will.

Maybe it came from all those hospital visits I need to shuttle to every few months,

Breaking my resolve of some semblance of normalcy I have hoped for decades.

Maybe it is that ache I feel when I see mothers with babies

knowing full well that that isn't my lot in life.

Maybe it is heartbreak at never being loved by another human being,

never being held with tenderness, no kisses exchanged.

Maybe it comes from the shame I feel

every time someone stares at my belly and gives a snigger

while I try desperately to pretend I remain unbothered.

Maybe it is one of these things

or something else altogether,

but the grief I feel

never ends,

it comes and goes as it pleases--

leaving me empty

and sodden.