promises

 i need 

to say this

i am terrible at keeping promises to myself.


i say i'll lose weight

then i don't exercise.


i say i'll prep for loksewa,

then i don't study.


i say i'll do good this year,

and get so underprepared,

it's terrible.


and this, i believe,

is one of the reasons why

i have such low self esteem.

because i don't keep promises to myself.


i think dirban is fed up because of it

because he sees me struggling

but 

i don't do anything about it.

he's fed up with my bullshit.

and i trust his 

fed up ness.



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